Fun Quotes - Page 126

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

When I first started running, I was so embarrassed I'd walk when cars passed me. I'd pretend I was looking at the flowers!

The first funeral for Andrew Goodman was at night and it was a lot of work. To begin with they had to kill him.

Media, the plural of mediocrity.

Most successful investors, in fact, do nothing most of the time.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

About the time we can make the ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Sometimes my poetry is an attempt to keep off existential terror; sometimes it is a grappling with philosophical problems; sometimes just fun.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

I salute you! There is nothing I can give you which you have not; but there is much, that, while I cannot give you, you can take. No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take Heaven. No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present instant. Take Peace. The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet, within our reach, is joy. Take Joy.

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you.

A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to take it off of you.

I don't believe in things like that - fairies or brownies or magic or anything. It's old-fashioned.' 'Well, we must be jolly old-fashioned then,' said Bessie. 'Because we not only believe in the Faraway Tree and love our funny friends there, but we go to see them too - and we visit the lands at the top of the Tree as well!

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.

Be precise. A lack of precision is dangerous when the margin of error is small.

The environment is so fundamental to our continued existence that it must transcend politics and become a central value of all members of society.

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

As a rock star, I have two instincts, I want to have fun, and I want to change the world. I have a chance to do both.