Humor Quotes - Page 120

There is certainly no defence or water -proof garment against adverse fortune which is, on the whole, so effectual as an habitual sense of humor.

After all, when a thought takes one's breath away, a lesson on grammar seems an impertinence.

You have to have a sense of humor if you follow politics. Otherwise, the sheer fraudulence of it all will get you down.

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

What i value more than all things, good humor.

Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive.

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever" he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor.

I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom.

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.

Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Do fish get cramps after eating?

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

We don't have a monopoly. We have market share. There's a difference.

An exotic and irrational entertainment.

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.

I seated ugliness on my knee, and almost immediately grew tired of it.