Fun Quotes - Page 113

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

Crafts make us feel rooted, give us a sense of belonging and connect us with our history. Our ancestors used to create these crafts out of necessity, and now we do them for fun, to make money and to express ourselves.

Baseball is a fun game. It beats working for a living.

Being surrounded by six Brendons is so not fun.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.

It doesn't have to be fun to be fun.

Exercise should be fun, otherwise, you won't be consistent.

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.

Gonzo . . . acidic hilarity . . . 'The Fun Parts' has fine moments, but it's not the whole Lipsyte story. Read it with 'The Ask' if you really want to know how a mordant jokester with a madman's imagination became a literary rock star.

Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?

I was told David Letterman and Kaufman had heart attacks on the same day: David Letterman's heart attack was at a hospital in NYC. Kaufman's heart attack was at the red light district in Amsterdam, Holland. I think Kaufman had more fun. You're a great artist. I just love the way you painted my portrait.

It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.

I wouldn't say I'm girl-crazy, because that makes me sound like a bit of a womanizer. That isn't really me. But I am quite flirty - maybe too flirty. I'm an 18-year-old boy, and I like to have fun!