Kinky Friedman Quotes - Page 2

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Finding a cat--or having a cat find you--can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.

May the God of your choice bless you.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

True love usually results in a hostage situation.

Happiness is a moving target.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

I've got a head of hair better than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.

The art of writing fiction is to sail as dangerously close to the truth as possible without sinking the ship

I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.

I'm ready for anything. That's probably why it never happens.